...get your freak on

As I crawled into bed at midnight after a day of homework, tumbling, volunteering, and cleaning, I looked over at the SBF. Our conversation went a little like this.....

Me: "Hey, do you want to have sex? Because if so, I need to go take a shower."
SBF: "If you're exhausted, we can just go to bed."
Me: "Well...if you are working from home tomorrow. We can "catch up" then.

Exhausted and happy, I cuddled up to him and he began to sing church songs.

SBF: "Amazing grace...How sweet the sound?"
Me: "WTF is wrong with you. Shut the f___k up! Why the hell are you singing church hymns?"
SBF: "I sing because I'm happy. I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow. That's the reason why I sing."
ME: "I swear I will punch you in the damn eye if you don't stop singing that shit."
SBF: "You are so going to hell for that." He continues to sing in my ear while he has me in a bear hug.
Me: "Jesus Christ, let me go. I'm going to get in the shower,"

Finally, my Xanax kicked in and I fell asleep. Glad to know I got a pass and a coupon to redeem the next day. I have been with this man for 16 years and I still think he is hot as shit. Our lives have changed so much over the last 16 years, but one thing has remain untouched..."great sex". Confession: I like having sex with my husband. It's free especially now that he has had a vasectomy. It's a stress relief. It doesn't require a babysitter. It's a form of communication when words just don't work anymore. I know for some this may be too much information, but I think it's an aspect of our lives as women that we don't talk about enough.

I love the shit out of the SBF, but I don't like him sometimes. Marriage is hard...any relationship is hard. People will change and grow. I look at him daily and ask myself "wtf was I thinking?" I have contemplated writing up divorce papers just for the months of October-February because I live with a cheap man that protests any holiday that Hallmark celebrates. I have wished to just "break up" for a couple of weeks. During those times when I think I may not be able to cohabitate safely with that man of mine, he will come out of the shower and I'll be damned if he stirs something in my soul that reels me back in. It is animalistic...a primal sensation that tells me I must mate with that man.

It has been that way since the first time I talked to him. There was no long courtship. There was no "whooing". I was an easy kill because I chose to be. Fast forward 16 years later and 3 kids, so much shit has changed in our lives. We have had one thing remain constant..."great sex". I protect it because I feel that is all we have left that has not been stripped from us. Age, jobs, children, finances, housework, homework, community service, and just f_______g life have given us a run for our money. But, we have one thing to fall back on when the shit hits the fan. I like to get laid and he does too. Plain and simple.

I have had many roll their eyes at me and almost gasp at the thought that I am having sex with my husband. My question: "Wth would I not????" I may not make the time to tell him I love him every day or give him a hug and a kiss when he walks out the door. I may not even make the time to communicate with his ass during the day, but when that bedroom door closes...dammit I am ready to "talk"!! Sometimes the best solution to an argument is to just f___k it out.

I am not in anyway trying to boast, but if I could give one piece of advice it would be "Ladies, get your freak on." I think society has screwed us with these images of "relations" entailing candles, soft music, massages, and pretty lingerie. BULLSHIT!! There can be a hell of a lot of romance in locking the bedroom door, stripping down and saying "we have 20 minutes before the kids wake up!" I grew up on soap operas and I thought that every sexual encounter with my husband should have "Tonight, I celebrate my love for you..." I would like to thank Days of our Lives for giving me an unrealistic view of what the bedroom action should be like. I am not afraid to admit that sometimes it goes a little something like this..."Hey, ya wanna do it?" Or better yet the idea that these encounters must take place in a beautiful bedroom with clean sheets and shit is again...BULLSHIT!! There is nothing wrong with finding an alternative location...closets, laundry room, car in the garage, and bathroom. There are no off limit locations. AND we do not have to have a full lingerie set up, flowing hair, freshly shaved legs, and full make up!!

I call him the SBF because to me he is. It keeps the fire burning inside. Confession: I still think he is hot shit. Now, that does not mean I don't think he's an asshole, dumb ass, son of a f____r, piece of shit, bastard, asshat, dream killer, and Debbie downer sometimes. He can be all of those things in one day, but somehow his confidence or presence or f_____g pheromones still speak to me when night falls. Let it be known that I call myself a "MILF" or "golden". Why?? Because if I don't think so, who in the hell else will??? What we must have is confidence that "We are the shit!!"....MAMA STILL GOT IT!!! The sexier we feel about ourselves the better sex will be for us. I promise. We are sitting on a pretty fine treasure...literally. We are golden in every sense. I know we are mothers. I know we are a wives. I know we have deadlines. I know we are tired. In honor of my favorite movie...Friday, "I know this ladies....but Imma get you laid tonight". Why? Because we freaking deserve it!!!! The world would be a better place if more of us would just get laid. Giggle

There is an unspoken intimacy in sex that can take place that can work miracles on a marriage. Tensions decrease. Requests to clean up are met. His dirty ass socks on the floor don't seem so bad. Arguments over how much you spent at Target sort of fade into the distance. Calories are worked off. For the most part, I get a glimpse of that fella I met in 1996. I get to see my best friend...not my husband, not the father of my children, but my buddy. I see the reason why all of this shit started in the first place. I see how I got here and why I am still here.

So, as a mother, wife, PTA mom, volunteer mom, and former Parent of the Year (giggle), I send you forth with permission to be a woman in the streets and a freak in the sheets.