Confessions

1. I flip my children off behind their backs at least once a day.
2. I like to color coordinate my girls' closets.
3. My Pinterest days are over.
4. Matching socks is so last year. .
5. I am completely comfortable with serving my children cereal for dinner.
6. I yelled "STFU" at my youngest for having a temper tantrum in the car.
7. I am the mother who will visit the 5th page of google and scare the shit out of herself.
8. I pretend to not hear them call my name sometimes.
9. Crafting causes me to neglect my children.
10. I am "that mother".
11. When people ask me my age, I really can't remember if I am 41 or 42.
12. I am a former community service whore.
13. I sometimes make my children ignore the curse words in a song so I can still listen to it in the car.
14. I am so over birthday parties. 
15. I am a recovering themed birthday party crack head.
16. I drink coffee at night to stay awake.
17. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
18. I was selected Parent of the Year.
19. I can't swim.
20. I once went to the ER for smoking marijuana in college. I told them "I was high and going to die."
21. All hell is going to break loose when my family finds this blog.
22. I hate dropping my kids off at school.
23. I am not an advocate for homework.
24. I go overboard when I help my children with projects.
25. I don't like to hold babies. 
26. I think every mom should be on Xanax.
27. I have had to rely on friends to help me with my oldest child's math homework.
28. I don't know fractions...which one is bigger 2/3 or 3/4?
29. I have OCD tendencies
30. I have been known to hit things and drive off.
31. It only takes one time for them to walk in on you and you will never forget to lock the door again.
32. I have almost collapsed from sitting on the toilet and watching YouTube videos for so long that my feet go to sleep.
33. I am okay with my children quitting extracurricular activities.
34. I have that one song that brings out my inner hoe.
35. I lie to my children daily.
36. I heart my therapist.
37. I recently went to bed while my children were still up. They didn't go to sleep until 2:42 am.
38. I am the mother that had to take her youngest who was only in undies and a t-shirt to the bathroom at the local CVS.
39. I love to turn my music up really loud and listen to rap when my kids are not in the car.
40. I hate Max & Ruby.
41. I throw their toys away when they go to bed.
42. I have not bothered to teach my youngest her colors, alphabet, or numbers.
43. I see nothing wrong with day drinking.
44. I only like play dates that include liquor.
45. I laughed when I found out my oldest daughter said "shit" while on family beach vacation.
46. I have over 3400 screenshots.
47. I love my bed way too much.
48. I probably curse way too much in front of the Divas.
49. I do no longer volunteer at school events. Sorry, Becky...I served my time.
50. I allow my children to take mental health days. 
51. I go to Dollar General in my pjs.
52. I am glad the guy who checks me out every Saturday morning at the local donut shop never judges me.
53. I have developed a sleep disorder called getting up at 2 am and eating 3-4 cookies.
54. I love to send my friends "raunchy" texts or pictures. 
55. I don't give a shit about what people think at all. 
56. I have a weakness for coffee and cigarettes.
57. I watch porn for tips or new moves.
58. I don't mind jacking up little kids that mess with my children.
59. I still don't know what I want to do with my life.
60. I don't think what I am currently doing is what I am suppose to be doing with my life.
61. I scare my friends when it comes to marital advice. 
62. If you make me laugh, you have my heart. 
63. I miss my mother mostly in the mornings after I drop the Divas off for school. I yearn to call her and chat.
64. I hate drama.
65. I still like to talk on the phone more than texting.
66. I have 2 circle of friends that are visibly different, but they are my lifelines.
67. I love back roads.  
68. I take naps.
69. I have a little bit of knowledge about anything and everything.
70. I am no longer afraid to quit.
71. I don't have a favorite color. So, I call myself a "color whore".
72. I love the shit out of my Divas.
73. I covet a few name brands, but they honestly speak to my soul.
74. I only like to sleep on white sheets.
75. I am a fan of Marlboros and Fireball.