And on top of my "irrational" state of mind, I am currently driving a minivan. Yes, I recall stating that I wouldn't mind owning a minivan and calling it the "Twerk Tank", but the way I have come about driving this "shit trap" is irrational and unreasonable to say the least.
Twelve days ago, I took my brand new Nissan Pathfinder to get an oil change and determine if the service men could detect what I had been telling my husband for 2 weeks. I covet my vehicle. I wash her once a week and I love her. So, when she started shuddering and losing power I could feel this dread taking over. Of course, the all knowing SBF said it was the gas I was putting in the SUV....that shit sounds "irrational"!! Needless to say, I went ape shit at our local Nissan Dealership when they told me I needed a new torque converter. When the guy returned after test driving my car, he just looked at me and shook his head. Thirty minutes later, the service lady came out and said "Ma'am, your car is almost ready". My response: "The hell it is. Something is wrong with my car." She told me she would come talk to me. I stood there and tried to listen to this woman tell me that the car I purchased less than 60 days ago needed to be repaired and she was not sure when the part would come in.
After two minutes, I nicely interrupted her and said "bullshit. this is bullshit." She was shocked to say the least, but I couldn't stop it. I had gone to a dark place and I think I cupped my mouth and turned side to side and shouted "bullshit". The next thing I know the man who did our "paperwork" was trying to calm me down and saying that I'm lucky the car is under warranty. Of course, the f bombs started dropping, customers started staring, and I told him that it wasn't luck, but me getting f___d. He asked how could he help me and I screamed..."giveeeeee meeeeee a neeeeeewwwww carrrrrrrr riigggghhhhht nowwwww." I guess he thought telling me that "there was no way that would happen" would make me be quiet. I screamed "I'm calling my husband" and walked out the door. I planted myself right in front of the dealership on the hot ass pavement with my legs crossed smoking a cigarette. A friend was getting her oil changed and she slowed down, rolled down her window, and said "Do you need some help? Do you need a ride? I heard what happened and that's not right." I thanked her and the tears started flowing. I called the SBF for back up and his ass was stranded at home with a dead battery. F____k. It took him almost an hour to get up there and I was advised by friends to not enter the facility. So, I sat outside in the hot ass sun on the hot ass pavement...chain smoking and crying.
The SBF arrives and I lead him in and just stand back and watch. My hero had come to save the day. Wait....WTF is he smiling?? Are they laughing together? Is he shaking his head as if to say he understands the situation? I stood there with my mouth wide open and decide to intervene. To make a
long story short, I left hysterical and calling the SBF a p___y and yelling "get some balls". His answer to my demands, expectations, and behavior..."irrational". I felt like he had just bitch slapped me. Irrational would have been me driving through the glass windows at the Nissan dealership.
I had to return to the dealership to get a 5 day loaner. Confession: Yes, I told the woman that had just finished test driving a Nissan Pathfinder with her husband..."Don't do it. I bought one just like this less than 2 months ago and it's broken." Yes, I flung Miss B's car seat full of skittles around the dealership like I was throwing beads at a Mardis Gras parade. Yes, I spent days plotting my revenge. How many shit pies could I serve up in honor of one of my fave movies, The Help.
So, I am a maniac in a minivan currently. Irrational, unreasonable, and mad as hell. I have learned that people have preconceived notions about moms who drive minivans. Public service announcement: Just because I am driving a minivan does not mean that you can cut me off and not get flipped off. It also does not mean I will not run your ass over because you fail to use the crosswalk and no I will not let you over...bitch we are going to race!!! It's like this van says to people "go ahead...you have the right away. I won't hurt you. I am driving a minivan and must be a sweet little mom with nothing to do". I have contemplated forgetting to put this minivan in park when I drop it off at the front of the dealership.
This may seem irrational and crazy, but I don't give a shit. In acceptance there is peace, so f___k it...I am irrational. Most mothers have to be. It's what drives us to fight for our children, to push the doctors to do extra tests because we just know something is not right, to stay up to the wee hours of the night to do a science project so our child will be happy and proud. Being irrational allows us to do the drop offs and pick ups for tumbling, choir, chorus, soccer, homework, play dates, school parties, etc. It makes us go that extra step. It makes us burn ourselves at both ends of the candle which I have done for the last two weeks in a world called "volunteering?' This phase of my life will soon come to an end and I will introduce
After two minutes, I nicely interrupted her and said "bullshit. this is bullshit." She was shocked to say the least, but I couldn't stop it. I had gone to a dark place and I think I cupped my mouth and turned side to side and shouted "bullshit". The next thing I know the man who did our "paperwork" was trying to calm me down and saying that I'm lucky the car is under warranty. Of course, the f bombs started dropping, customers started staring, and I told him that it wasn't luck, but me getting f___d. He asked how could he help me and I screamed..."giveeeeee meeeeee a neeeeeewwwww carrrrrrrr riigggghhhhht nowwwww." I guess he thought telling me that "there was no way that would happen" would make me be quiet. I screamed "I'm calling my husband" and walked out the door. I planted myself right in front of the dealership on the hot ass pavement with my legs crossed smoking a cigarette. A friend was getting her oil changed and she slowed down, rolled down her window, and said "Do you need some help? Do you need a ride? I heard what happened and that's not right." I thanked her and the tears started flowing. I called the SBF for back up and his ass was stranded at home with a dead battery. F____k. It took him almost an hour to get up there and I was advised by friends to not enter the facility. So, I sat outside in the hot ass sun on the hot ass pavement...chain smoking and crying.
The SBF arrives and I lead him in and just stand back and watch. My hero had come to save the day. Wait....WTF is he smiling?? Are they laughing together? Is he shaking his head as if to say he understands the situation? I stood there with my mouth wide open and decide to intervene. To make along story short, I left hysterical and calling the SBF a p___y and yelling "get some balls". His answer to my demands, expectations, and behavior..."irrational". I felt like he had just bitch slapped me. Irrational would have been me driving through the glass windows at the Nissan dealership.
I had to return to the dealership to get a 5 day loaner. Confession: Yes, I told the woman that had just finished test driving a Nissan Pathfinder with her husband..."Don't do it. I bought one just like this less than 2 months ago and it's broken." Yes, I flung Miss B's car seat full of skittles around the dealership like I was throwing beads at a Mardis Gras parade. Yes, I spent days plotting my revenge. How many shit pies could I serve up in honor of one of my fave movies, The Help.
This may seem irrational and crazy, but I don't give a shit. In acceptance there is peace, so f___k it...I am irrational. Most mothers have to be. It's what drives us to fight for our children, to push the doctors to do extra tests because we just know something is not right, to stay up to the wee hours of the night to do a science project so our child will be happy and proud. Being irrational allows us to do the drop offs and pick ups for tumbling, choir, chorus, soccer, homework, play dates, school parties, etc. It makes us go that extra step. It makes us burn ourselves at both ends of the candle which I have done for the last two weeks in a world called "volunteering?' This phase of my life will soon come to an end and I will introduce
Amen!!!!!!
ReplyDeletedamn. i wish i was at the dealership that day.
ReplyDeleteSan