Dear Karma, In light of recent "life events", I have had a lot of time for some self reflecting and I would like to start off by saying...KARMA is a bitch. I'm not sure what the hell I did in the past years, but I take
this time to ask for forgiveness...
- To the ant, I stepped on when I was in the 4th grade, I am so fucking sorry dude. My bad.
- To the lady who said she wanted Dr. Pepper when I was a waitress, and I mixed Diet Coke and Coke and never said a word..I apologize.
- To the guy who was also elected Favorites in the 9th grade and picked me to pair up with him which caused me to go into hysteria, I am sorry for being a bitch.
- To the man who said I cut him off and proceeded to try to make me wreck, I apologize for flipping you and your young son off and then for screaming "roll your fucking window up" repeatedly for almost a mile, I am sorry.
- To the many jobs I quit on the spot or never came back from my lunch break, I am sorry.
- To the lady at the Chinese restaurant that told me I could not put noodles in the to-go soup container and I did it anyway while yelling "you can't tell me what to do with this container", I am sorry.
- To the guys I wrote papers for in college full of plagiarism and charged $10/page, I am sorry.
- To the numerous vehicles I hit in parking lots and drove away and parked in another spot, I am sorry.
- To the many mothers I looked at during my single years and judged them while their kids acted like complete asses, I apologize. You should be happy to know Miss B makes sure to publicly embarrass me every day.
- To the guy that owned a local pizza place, I am sorry for getting upset because you never delivered my order and then calling back and ordering $50 worth of food and refusing to go to the door when you did deliver.
- To the guy that I cheated on with the SBF, I apologize for not being able to resist that bald head and killer smile that caused my loins to scream..."get on that".
- To the random thief that withdrew $30 bucks out of my bank account, I am sorry for tracking down your number and proceeding to call you and tell you that I would choke your children.
- To the SBF, I apologize for going behind your back and getting a "secret credit card" that resulted in a stranger charging $467 dollar worth of apps causing me to have to confess my wrongdoing...I am sorry.
- To the Divas that I love so, I apologize for throwing your toys and numerous paintings away at night.
- To the random college boys, I apologize for vomiting on you while I was stumbling to my car.
- To our dog that we dropped off at the Humane Society because it started shitting black tar and I didn't want it to mess up the new house we had just closed on...I am sorry.
- To the movie goers that had to listen to a wine bottle roll down the aisle of the movie theater, I am sorry for sneaking it in and then pretending it was not mine.
Sincerely and formerly,
Your bitch
was that you that put a dent in my little red Nissan truck on campus in 1989? did you already have it in for Nissan back then?
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