We have been on the road 2 hours and the oldest child has farted (maybe even sharted) herself into a coma. But that's one less child that will whine and complain. The other two keep coming in and out of their drug induced naps asking for for food and if we are there yet. The SBF just informed me I was talking to him to loud while listening to music on my iPhone. So, I whispered I would just stop f___g talking to him. I am ignoring the fact that he's driving like a damn lunatic. I'm going to go to sleep.
2.5/7 hours: He finally has agreed to stop because of course naps are short lived and they are starving. He pulls into McDonald's and decides it would be much easier for him to go in and get the food for everybody. (Wtf...what's wrong with drive thru). He jumps out the car and takes the keys with him. (Hello...it's 80 damn degrees and your family has decided to stay in the vehicle!!) I find my keys and crank up the car. The oldest has just blessed us again by expelling fumes from her body. (Wth did she eat? Is she rotting inside. Holy hell is she sick? The SBF returns with our food and coffee for himself. No beverages for everyone else in his family. He goes back and returns with 4 apple juice boxes. (I don't want any damn apple juice and why is there a straw missing from one of them? Isn't that a coincidence...my juice box is missing a straw). I know I may sound like a spoiled bitch, but an apple juice box??? I make sure to tell him thank you and distribute the food to the savages.
As we pull out of the gas station, guess what comes on the radio......
The edited version of course. II can't help but do a "cheers" up to the sunny sky to my mom with my apple juice box. She has my back.
Instead of using our GPS, he has an atlas out. Really??? Do they even make those anymore? But wait...he can't use the GPS because the girls are playing with it. They have barely touched their kindle Fire HDs that are connected to a portable wifi device so they can watch Netflix.
We are now stuck in traffic and he has chosen to play car checkers and literally jump from lane to lane attempting to get ahead and not lose any time.
I glance out my window to eacape reality and I notice an AL new station vehicle beside us. Hope we don't end up on their local news.
Breaking news: mommy loses her shit....
To be continued
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