...three wishes

While we were on vacation my oldest asked the SBF if he could have three wishes, what would they be. I am guessing that 3rd Pina Colada had him feeling a little not up to the challenge. So, he pushes her on to me. Really???? ME???? The one he swears has questionable morals sometimes. The one who sometimes drops the F bomb in front of her children. The one who has no recollection of certain bible stories. The one with a dirty mind. The one who roots for the underdog. The one who is a rebel and free spirit at heart. I smile and kindly ( in a very non-revealing way) shoot him the bird.

Most of parenting is tag team if you are blessed to have someone in your life to share the duty with and great are those that have to take on the whole damn job by themselves.  I have my good days and I have my days where if it were not for the SBF being so vigilant about teeth brushing that my children would have a year supply of Fixodent on back order. So, I didn't curse him too much when she approached me. Dammit...why did she have to wait until I was into a bottle of Prosecco? My heart starts to race because I see this as a teaching moment. What I tell her will define who I am. What I tell her will be her foundation of what it takes in life to make someone happy. What I tell her could totally f____ her up.

Take this moment to really think about what you would wish for. I quickly came up with good health for my children, happiness for my children, and for the world to be a better place. She seemed pleased with my answer. She then revealed that she would wish to have the power to be invisible for the times when she needed to get away from bad things, she would wish for food for everyone that needed food, and a million dollars. I smiled at her responses and gave her a big hug. Now, my body did cringe a little when she wanted to be invisible. Was I putting too much into this whole idea? I mean really...she wished for a million dollars. A million dollars would be great right about now, but would it really make me happy. Would it come with certain conditions? And the bad shit that happens in life sucks ass, but it builds character. It means you have been to battle and you have the war wounds to prove it. Could she grow as a person if she goes her entire life unscathed? And a million dollars won't help you out very much if you blow it away. But, she did say she wanted to end world hunger. Okay, that seems safe, reasonable, kind, and needed. Her ten year old heart is indeed still innocent and pure. Gosh, I played this game a ridiculous amount of times when I was younger. As an adult and parent, the game sucks ass. What the hell would I really wish for???

I would like to take this time to introduce you to my inner thoughts. Oh boy are you in for a treat!!! Okay, let's think about this wish thing. What would I ask for? Money---hell no, everyone knows money can't bring you happiness and peace of mind. Beauty---nope, you can be the prettiest thing in the world and be a bitch which in turn would make you ugly. Uhm....to live forever---no way!! I don't want to out live my family and friends. I don't want my children burdened by having to wheel their 200 year old senile mother around even though I feel they will need me in their life forever. Good health---yes, but not for just me. Who wants to be healthy and vibrant while the people closest to you are suffering? Ok...happiness and peace of mind---what if the happiness and peace of mind causes me to be oblivious to the happenings of the world? What if my happiness and peace of mind robbed my children of their own happiness and peace of mind? Ok...happiness and peace of mind for everyone around me. What if one of my daughters is completely happy and at peace with being a stripper? Shit...could I handle it? What if in pursuing their own happiness and peace of mind they become selfish and greedy? What if they are so self absorbed they don't marry or have children? I AM NOT saying that people who opt to not have children or marry are self absorbed. I am just saying what if mine are.  Exit inner thoughts.......

I am now having a slight panic attack over three damn wishes that I don't even have. What do I wish for? How the f_____ was this a fun game when I was younger? If I approach this surface-wise in a very superficial way...it's easy. At this moment, I would wish for more money, good times, and great health. But, I would not want to make certain sacrifices for these wishes. I would not want a different husband. I would not want a different family. I would not want to be different. Hell, I wouldn't even ask for a big toe. I'm doing just fine without one and I still think "mama still got it". With the money, I would buy a bigger home, bigger car, a maid, breast implants etc. I would travel and have good times with my family and friends. What if the traveling caused me to die in a plane crash? F____, never mind I am being superficial. I am being an adult kid. I'm too old to ask for a new Barbie, no homework, no school etc. So, what would I ask for as an adult with kid like troubles? Answer...hell if I know!!!!!!!

By this time, I think my fairy godmother is a bitch. I don't want three wishes. I just want to be left alone. I don't want the weight of the world on my shoulders. My children are heavy enough. I have to somehow create a world from my three wishes that would be good enough for my children and my children's children and their children's children etc. And what about the SBF and myself...we deserve a good life...right???

I then realize I do this shit everyday of my life. I am constantly pulling and pushing and readjusting and switching and checking my environment to make it suitable for my children. So, if I carry this weight everyday what would I wish for to make it easier?

Nothing....bullshit!! That's romanticizing it way too much. I have obviously had too much to drink. Right this second...I am blessed, medicated, happy, buzzed, content, at peace, safe,  and healthy. But none of it is guaranteed. It is subject to change at any minute. Confession: that is what I struggle with the most!! The unknown lurking in the corner ready to pull the rug out from under me. The rug has been pulled so many times that you think a girl would not be phased by the asshole, but I have had some tough falls and landings. I know this could open up a whole barrel of spiritual stuff, but I am not looking at it from that aspect. I am talking to a fairy godmother about three wishes not my God that I pray too.  And no, I am not trying to take God out of this. I am not advocating for no prayer or prayer in schools. See...how hard the shit is? I just need 3 wishes...nothing else.

The hell with it....MY THREE WISHES by Timeka Davis
1. I wish for happiness that would include a good heart, great health and peace of mind for everyone.
2. I wish for a cure for every ailment or disease out there from Cancer to Eczema.
3. I wish that I don't screw up my life or someone else's life in any attempts to grant the above two
    wishes.

The End. Hallelujah....I don't want to play anymore. Your turn.....

FYI: I asked the SBF.
SBF: "Oh that's easy! I would wish to end all evil."
Me: (F_____. He's so perfect. I totally forgot about evil. I can't stand him. Giggle)
Me: What about the other 2 wishes?
SBF: That would be enough.
Me: blank stare. What about suffering and sickness?
SBF: Well, people would have more compassion.
Me: What about starving children?
SBF: I don't know. Let me think about it.
ME: (Damn right. Shit is not so easy...is it?)

Tomorrow we can play "What would you do if you won the lotto/"