...a mother's summer fun list

Yes, summer is here. Thank sweet baby Jesus the schedules, the homework, the projects, and the field trips have ceased. I have enjoyed not having to think of how to use "guffaw" in a sentence. I have enjoyed not yanking the pencil out of my oldest child's hand to finish the 100 math problems her teacher sent home and go so far as to write the answers out with my left hand to make it look like a child did it.  I have enjoyed not staying up till 3 am to finish a reading fair project for both children. Confession: I am that mom who helps her children create projects that cause other parents to say "Are you kidding me?" I blame my meds, my touch of OCD, and my love for crafts. I don't pretend to be perfect.

With all of this free time I have to devote to my children, I created a summer to do list. I patiently sat down and wrote out MOST of the things they wanted to do for the summer.  This list would for sure cut down on them creeping into my bed in the morning, pulling back my eye mask, and asking me "What are we going to do today?" I wrote our cute list on the chalkboard in our kitchen and even wrote every item in a different color. I felt complete and whole as a mother.

In reality, that board (as my grandmother used to say) "makes my ass want chewing gum" sometimes. First of all, my youngest proceeds to take her finger (the one she choses to dig in her ass with) and goes across all of the words smearing them. Second of all, there are days when they don't want to do anything on the damn list or hell, I don't want to do anything on the damn list. So, the other day I tried to find the easiest activity that would require the least amount of my participation...random act of kindness.

Off we went into the world to make it a better place by kindness. We ended up at a department store. I was touched when my oldest two chose to by their youngest sister a doll, a skanky ass doll, but a doll. They rushed to me with this doll that looked like she had just come off a meth binge and I cringed. Of course, this is what their youngest sister picked out (she has skanky ways sometimes) and they had the money to buy it. So, what do I do? Shoot down their kind action and listen to Miss B (that's what I call the youngest one sometimes and most days the "B" does not stand for Brooklyn) unleash her banshee scream for all to hear in this store. Delusional and exhausted from a day of VBS, I agreed to the purchase of this slut doll and decided that by Saturday night the doll would have a broken leg and be naked anyway. So to hell with it, the skank can come home with us.

I then decided to venture down a grown up aisle. You know the aisles with towels, cooking utensils, candles, frames and other shit. My middle child found me staring at frames and talking to myself. Now let me to tell you about this child. She drew the worst spot in the family. The poor child is stuck between a goody two shoes and a raging lunatic. Her heart is so pure, she seeks my approval more than I deserve, she is a perfectionist, and overly sensitive. In years to come, I know I will hand her my psychiatrist's business card to help her come to terms with all of the shit she will blame me for. "Mom" she says "Can I buy you this candle as a random act of kindness?" Damn, she is a saint. My knee jerk reaction was to respond "No, sweetie. Mommy has everything she needs." But something stopped me. Hell, I love candles. A house that smells of red currant and not ass brings so much peace to my soul. I am also a firm believer in a house that smells good looks cleaner. So often I decline real gifts from my children and settle for homemade shit that I love for about three days and then find myself going out to the garage in the wee hours of the night to throw the 18th picture they have drawn for me in the garbage. I know this may sound cruel to some, but my children have no problem telling me after I have slaved over a hot meal that my food tastes "kinda sorta nasty" especially my middle child.

So, I agreed to the purchase of a candle. I like gifts and too often I look to my husband to shower me with them, but that is not his language and shall be discussed at a later date. Anyway, we made it to the counter with Bath Salt Lover Betsy for Miss B and a candle for me. The smiles coming from the oldest two warmed my heart. They were so proud and couldn't wait to mark it off their summer list. I walked out with my candle in hand and I realized I couldn't wait to light the damn thing. As stated earlier, I love candles. They feed my soul. I used to be the type to only light my candles when friends visited. I stopped that shit because I realized I deserve to experience a house that smells great just like anybody else. If you find yourself saving anything "for when company comes over", stop it now.

Anyway, we arrived home and with in seconds fighting erupts. I ignored the screams "I know we bought her for you, but can you at least let me hold her" and walked to my bedroom with my candle. I swear I was holding it like a torch in the Olympics and at that point I realized I needed a list too. Yes, it is summer and I want my children to have a great, eventful, fun, and fulfilling summer. Blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But, I want to have a great summer too and honestly making the summer all about what this trio wants will not cut it for me. As a matter of fact, it may lead me to torching shit in my fire pit on my back porch.

Listen, some of the madness that comes with motherhood must end now. I remember spending countless hours outside drinking from a damn hose in the yard and I turned out okay. I remember my mother telling me to go play outside not as punishment, but just because that is what was required of me in the summer. I did not look at her to fulfill every part of my day. I was bored sometimes, but I did not dare tell her I was. If I did, I only said it once. She had no problem telling me "okay, let me find some shit for you to do" and the shit she found was not fun. I turned out okay. So, why are things so different? Why the hell did I let my kids make a board dictating the things they wanted to do for the summer? Where do I draw the line? Am I too accommodating?

So, I have decided that I will make a damn mommy summer fun list if it kills me and I will do everything on the list. In days to come, I will post my list because right now, I struggle with remembering my hopes and aspirations and my likes and dislikes. Seriously though....what in the hell do I want to do for the summer?

To be continued.........

And for shits and giggles until then....