... i love my frannnnnnds!!!!!!!!

If I did not have access to adult conversation, I am pretty sure I would be in an asylum by now. With parenting, you often find yourself in exile. Your everyday encounters involve trying to communicate with little people that have no sense of reality. Their conversations are often one sided, selfish, and mentally draining. How many times can you discuss why there are spiders in the world or why does Santa Claus only come once a year? I try my best not to cringe when my oldest says "Can I ask you a question?" Most of the times, the questions are just damn ridiculous and the answers I come up with only reaffirm that I have lost all the brain cells left. "Mommy, why can't dinosaurs still be alive?" I can only muster up "If they were still alive, they would eat us." Pretty smart right??

The older I get the more I realize that adult conversations are my life line. I don't need thought provoking. I need honesty and laughter with a touch of nonsense. I have been very lucky in that department. I am apart of many different but wonderful social circles that feed my soul. I think one of the damn topics in What to Expect When You Are Expecting should be dedicated to the importance of "fraaaands". Not the ones, that are going to rip you because you decided to say the hell with breastfeeding or the ones that believe you are going to hell for giving your child a Happy Meal or even those that gawk at the fact that you indeed enjoy having sex with your husband on a regular basis because it's free and it's fun and there is nothing else to do sometimes. Those will leave you with a shit full of self doubt.

If you are the kind that would like to avoid the need to medicate, then I suggest you better "FRANDICATE". Find at least one person or a group of people that you can talk to or shoot the shit with. The older we get, the harder it is to make new friends because I think we are searching for these deep friendships. It's hard to start over at this point at my age and try to catch a person up on all of the shit that has happened to me and why I am the way I am. So, I have discovered that you can have fun fulfilling friendships on many different levels.

The ones that you call in the middle of the night because your child has run a fever of 101.8 for two days and you got your ass on WebMD. The ones that will talk to you till 2 am about how shitty life is and then remind you how blessed you are. The ones that will do a human pyramid with you in the grass just because the shit sounds fun. The ones that don't blink an eye when you admit that you don't have your shit together because they don't have their shit together either. The ones that will give you a happy pill when you are crying in Wal-Mart over sleep deprivation. The ones that will take pictures of you at your worse, so you can enjoy them later. The ones that will tell you to go stay in a hotel and get some rest because you are about to teeter into a dark place. The ones that will make you throw your grannie panties in the garbage while on vacation. The ones that will bring you DVDs on how to please your man just to make sure you remain on top of your game. The ones that will say "You are Neo from the Matrix" after surviving lighting and melanoma. The ones that will send you The Little Engine that Could. The ones that immediately tell you that you look nice. The ones so content with what they have and who they are that they open their arms to you.

We waste so much time comparing are parenting styles, religious beliefs, bodies, discipline methods, and bedtimes. Never admitting our faults, but just glorifying our victories. Showing how we have succeeded as a parent. I don't want to hear that shit. I want to hear that bedtime is hard for you. I want to hear that you too have screamed at your children. I want to hear that you too have flipped off your kids behind their backs or have had a road rage encounter that almost warranted the police.

When it all boils down to it....you have to do what is best for your family. There is no golden rule for parenting and everyone at some point will screw the shit up. So on those days when you have just flipped out and thrown a pair of flip flops into the darkness of a pit of kudzu in the yard, don't retreat in shame. Take that incident and store in a folder in your brain to reveal to your "fraaaands" when you get together. There is something so rewarding and freeing about honesty. When we start realizing that what others do is not a reflection of what we should be doing or where we are lacking in life, I swear there will be peace in the valley.

So go forth and find you some "fraaaands" even when you think you don't have time to add another person to your life. Look for quality more than quantity. Look for the ones that will cheer you on
when you come dressed as a hooker for a Great Gatsby party. Look for the ones that will hold your

hair back when it's time for you to deposit into the porcelain bowl the bad decision to take that third shot. Look for the ones that will watch you as you hold onto the grass after a night of over indulgence and reassure you that it happens to all of us at one point. Look for the ones that say it's okay to be a slut for  your husband...as long as you enjoy it.

Those friends will be the ones that will help you most when you are in your dark place of "wtf am I doing with my life?". They will give you the "atta girl" when you confess that you are driving around in the dark crying after you have put the kids to bed because you want to run away, but you can't because you love them too much. They will tell to you get the hell off of WebMD and take your ass to bed. They will make you laugh until you vomit. They will let you have your moments of self pity and self doubt then politely say "Ok. Get it together bitch and I love your crazy ass."


One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that all of my frands are different and offer me different kinds of comfort, advice, and support.

When I need the frand to meet me at happy hour, I am thankful to have her in my life. When I need the frand to give me a bible verse to read, I am thankful to have her in my life. Some are needed for certain aspects in your life and that's okay. No one out there can be your everything in the world. I can't do it for my children. So, I sure as hell can't do it for my friends.

Shout out to my "fraaands" for they bring joy to my soul. They love me...nine toes and all. They know that when I refer to my three divas as "those little bitches" that I mean no harm and don't love my children any less. They have encouraged me to share my sense of humor through this blog and have shared it with others. They leave inappropriate comments on my FB page that cause me to spit all over myself. They laugh with me and at me. They mourned with me over the death of James Gandolfini and admitted they too thought Tony Soprano was sexy. They see why I was awarded Parent of the Year at my middle child's elementary school and applaud me like I just won Miss America. They shout my name like "Norm" from Cheers when I show up for "porch time". They tell me my mom would have been so proud or better yet they tell me I seem a lot like my mom. They do this because I am them and they are me just someone trying her best to get her strips of paper together and show them to the world with no filters.

 

 

An author of one of my most fave books, asked what I wanted her to write in my signed copy of her book. "To a wonderful mother of three" seemed to fit just fine. Hell, if I don't believe it who else will!! My fraands will look at this and say "You're a good mama, but bitch is that all you could think of?" and I will laugh so hard that I snort and my heart is warmed.